Not Good Enough
by FernFrost
Summary: Matthew has just had a bad day, but one thing bothers him above all else that day, and its a simple statement. - summery sucks - POV - AU -


**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Hetalia or any affiliating ideas/characters. **

**A.N.** This is an AU story, from Mattie's POV. I'm not sure what made this story happen, but hell. It happened. There is a bit of swearing (all mild stuff), and ya. Lots of OC (atleast in my opinion it seems oc). But I warned you, so don't complain about it, because I know its oc for Mattie. Or feels like it. ; After all, it is an AU.

There is no pairings, just Mattie venting in a sense.

**Rating: T**

* * *

The day had been average in most cases and there was absolutely nothing extraordinary about it. Maybe I'm the one at fault here, or atleast the chemicals in my body. Hormones, simply being a teen. Whatever you want to think it is, be my guest, but today is the day that I wound up in the bathroom crying. Crying for no reason at all other then a stupid pile of salads.

Work was simple enough to a point. It was good because it kept my mind off of the big fat nothing that has itself wedged in my life. When I work, I can't think. I can only think about my tasks and what needs to be done and how to do it. Heart strings aren't tugged on harshly, there isn't the time, though the only thing I do complain about is how sore my feet get while I work. I'll retreat into the cooler, and take my foot from my shoe and massage it for a few seconds. Of course, this makes me panic about health code violations, so I never touch anything and push the door open with my hip so I can go and wash my hands with the pink antiseptic, liquid soap.

Well, today my sore feet weren't all that was bothering me. My supervising employer must have been having a rotten day. The woman, in short, scares me. She is very loud and boistrous. Speaks her mind how and when she wants to and to whomever. She isn't afraid of the owner of the building and she isn't exactly quiet about the affair she is having with another of the workers. I've listened to her tear down other workers, and I've heard stories of her publicly humiliating workers like me, just because they have upset her by doing something wrong.

Its scary, not to mention she is atleast a foot taller then me and quite large. Her features are coarse and she looks like she could eat me up and spit me out! My old classmate Ivan was not as scary and he even had teachers running for their lives.

She has a tendency of swinging her moods so often, I never know what to expect from her. But today, I had a feeling of wariness. I should have listened to that feeling.

I was behind the counter, it started early in the morning. She came up to me and began snipping at me for something I never did. My brother and I work in the same place, and I was pretty sure it was him who had closed the Deli the night before I worked. So she came barking at me about what was wrong and what I should and shouldn't do. I did my best, keeping a straight face and nodding in the correct time to what she was saying when really all I wanted to do was to tell her to shut up and leave me alone.

For the rest of the morning, she was picking at me. Every little detail. I already felt like shit, but she didn't care. I understand she is the head supervisor, but that gives her no right to be rude about it. She could simply say that I could try doing such and such a thing the next time, but no. She comes at me with a very offensive stance and starts attacking me, staring me down like I was the dumbest thing to walk the earth. This didn't help. I already spend my nights crying, aching for what I don't have in life, like a lover or many friends. I'm invisible to everyone and everything. Unless of course I'm being beaten on or verbally attacked.

She then pulls all of the salads off of the hot island and has me mark them down to toss them out. I had no problem with that in the least. But about two hours after I had done it, she came to me... FOUND me so she could bark at me more.

_- "Those salads were pathetic. There was next to nothing in them, so we threw them out. All of the salads you made yesterday weren't any good at all so we chucked them out and now have to make new ones!" -_

What was I supposed to say to that? I had just been standing there doing the dishes and minding my own business. She didn't have to do that to me, but those words kept running through my head over and over again. -they weren't good enough.- I couldn't shake that thought and I felt my eyes stinging. It was by this time that I had headed towards her and told her I was going on my fifteen minute break. Immediately, I retreated to the bathroom and slipped inside, closing and locking the door behind me.

Tears poured down my cheeks, staining them in small rivers as I just cried. Those words weighed down on me and meant a lot more then she probably intended. Those words to me, expressed how I felt about my life. Not good enough. I was never good enough for anything. Always picked last for teams in gym when I was younger. The one lover I did have, fell for someone else and cheated on me because... I just wasn't good enough. I made it on the honor roll once in my entire school career. I almost failed a few subjects too. I wasn't good enough. I had wanted to go to University, but with my marks... I wasn't good enough. I had tried to look nice, tried my hardest and my least hardest, to attract someone into my life, but I just wasn't good enough.

I just wasn't good enough to deserve compliments whenever I got new glasses or a new shirt. No one noticed. No one ever noticed, they still don't. The only compliments I ever gained in life were from my parents, because to only them, I was good enough. But I wanted to be better then simply good enough, so I tried hard in everything, but it still just...

My tears kept falling. All these thoughts connected and began making sense. I was a loser. Someone would couldn't do anything right. Someone who was inadequate. Someone who was so horrible and terrible a person that no one wanted to be around me.

That break was the most depressing one I had ever had, and when I came home tonight, I went to my bedroom, laid down on the bed and sobbed. As I lay there, I looked to the door and waited. I waited for someone to come in and ask me what was wrong. I waited for someone to open the door and come in, to sit beside me and pull me into their arms and tell me not to worry about it so much. But as I watched the door, I knew that would never happen. I knew I wouldn't feel the strong arms of a lover around me. Protecting me, possessing me. I would continue to live alone, and continue to be a third wheel. I would continue to be the annoying tag along, and why was this? Because I simply just am not good enough for that sort of thing and I felt greedy and selfish for wanting it. Let my friends have all of that, I simply don't deserve it.

* * *

**A.N.** Ya.. This one was a bit depressing I know. . But I'm seriously depressed! So there is your reason.

To anyone and everyone who is reading my other fics.. my computer.. puked on me. Something happened and I have no idea what, but the chapters i was working on (yes for all of them) have been completely destroyed and vanished. I cannot recall them or find them anywhere and I just want to cry so hard! So please, don't hate me. I posted this up to kind of try to make up for my lack of writing presence. I hope this helped a little. So, I need to try and write out my chapters all over again so I can post and update those stories. Love to you all~!

I'd really appreciate it if I got an opinon (or several lol ) on this story.


End file.
